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2018 MCAS
Grade 8 English Language Arts
Question 16

Standard English Conventions - Score Point 3

Consistent control of conventions is evident throughout this narrative. Sentence structures, grammar, and mechanics are mostly correct and appropriately complex: "I know that's a horrible thing to think, but I can't help myself. The son that he left was basically drowning, even though he had grown up at the ocean." Sentence variety demonstrates fluency and adds to the effectiveness of the writing: "[Whenever] he visited his father[,] it was only for a few days. Now, who knows how long! A week? A month? A year? Forever?"

Idea Development - Score Point 5

The narrative provides a full and insightful account of characters and events from Keo's point of view. Details from the text are skillfully chosen and woven throughout the narrative as the writer stresses Keo's emotional response to Sonny's going to live with his father. Direct quotes from the text are complimented by specific internal reflections that Keo is having, such as "I slipped out of my tube and called to Sonny, 'Come on out.' Sonny was never the greatest swimmer, and didn't like to be out in the deep waters. All he needed was some encourage[e]ment." This approach allows the reader to see Keo's view of events and understand his deep feelings: "But whether he could swim or not, I know that I love that little guy more than anyone ever would, including his father. He was like my brother." Skillful organization and description support the effectiveness of the narrative, as imagery in the introduction is mirrored in the conclusion: "Up, down, up down," contrasting feelings of contentment and grief. The writer demonstrates full awareness of the task and narrative mode.
Answer for Idea Development Score Point 5, and Standard English Conventions Score Point 3 Up, down, up, down. Gentle waves were rocking me in a rythem while I was resting my eyes on my tube. Up, down, up down. I had been alone on the water for about an hour while Sonny was out on the boat with his dad. I still don't understand why the guy even bothers to show up anymore, since he abandoned his son and dropped him at our doorstep. Up, down, up down. The hum of a boat engine coming closer, forced me to open my crusty, salted eyes. Up, down, up down. I watched Sonny stumbled out of the boat onto the sand, and his father bring the boat back to the landing. I slipped out of my tube and called to Sonny, "Come on out". Sonny was never the greatest swimmer, and didn't like to be out in the deep waters. All he needed was some encouragement. "Chicken! Buk-buk-buk-bu-gock!" That should help right? I laughed ot myself. Sonny tip-toed into the water, then flopped onto his stomach. He did what looked like a doggy paddle over to me, and spit water out of his mouth everytime he breathed. I noticed that his dad was watching him struggle from the shore, and wondered if he was ashamed. I know that's a horrible thing to think, but I can't help myself. The son that he left was basically drowning, even though he had grown up at the ocean. But whether he could swim or not, I know that I love that little guy more than anyone ever would, including his father. He was like my brother. "Let's dive to the bottolm," I suggested as Sonny neared me and the tube. He must have had enough of the water for today, becasue he didn't respond, turned around, and "swam" back to shore. When Sonny was finally back on land, I saw his father wander over to him and sit down next to him. I began kicking back towards them when Sonny shouted, "We're going for a ride let's go!" The big, old jeep brought us back to my house and the farm. "Come on! Let's go see the pigs," I said as I jumped out of the car. Sonny hoped out and started following me when his father called him back to the house. I better stay out of this. I continue running towards the pig pen. When I get there, I lean up against the fence and look at the pigs. "You don't have anything to worry about do you? Not a care in the world," I was talking to pigs. Pigs, I found an empty can and kicked it all the way back to the house. When I walked inside, I noticed muffled crying coming from me and Sonny's room. I ran down the hall and slammed open the door. "Hey what's going on," I shouted at everone in my room. Mom came over to me and pulled me in close into a hug and continued sobbing. Sonny was in the corner of the room with a look I have never seen on his face. His father was rummaging through our dresser, pulling out clothing. "Sonny's going home, Keo- to live by the beach with his father." mom said down to me, "But you'll be back for lots of visits, won't you Sonny?" Sonny nodded, then slowly turned and walked out the door. Tears rolled down my face as I sat on the floor of what used to be both of ours room, Sonny's and mine. But now, it was just mine, all mine. It all hit me, Sonny was gone, adn he was with his coward of a father. In that moment I realized how alone I felt. Then, I thought of Sonny. Imagine how alone he felt! When ever he visited his father it was only for a few days. Now, who knows low long! A week? A month? A year? Forever? I rocked myself in a ball on the hard wood floor, crying with every breathe. Up, down, up down.



[ 3 Points | 2 Points | 1 Point | 0 Points]

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Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education Print Now | Close Window