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2018 MCAS
Grade 8 English Language Arts
Question 16

Idea Development - Score Point 5

The narrative is fully developed and maintains Keo's point of view throughout. Details from the passage are expanded upon to provide insight into both Sonny and the narrator: "Still hoping, I asked if he wanted to dive to the bottom. He stayed silent. Leaning over the black tube again, I closed my eyes and thought. Was Sonny just not cut out for swimming? He had improved, but there was still so far to go." The writer uses dialogue and description effectively to reveal Keo's relationship with Sonny and his feelings about Sonny leaving to live with his father. There is also logical insight into Keo's relationship with his mother that adds to the richness of the response. The final paragraphs of internal dialogue reveal Keo's understanding that Sonny needs his father: "I realized that I hadn't been teaching him wrong. He just needed someone whom he had a stronger bond with." Ideas are skillfully organized, and the writer shows full awareness of the writing task and narrative mode.

Standard English Conventions - Score Point 3

The writer demonstrates consistent control over a variety of complex sentence structures as well as seamlessly integrating quotations into the response: "I called to him, 'Come on out,' hoping to sound reassuring." Grammar, usage, and mechanics are controlled throughout the narrative. Complexity in sentence structure reveals a fluency with writing that adds to the effectiveness of the narrative: "Then, all of a sudden, I noticed Sonny out in the water, swimming. He and his father were swimming together in the ocean, out far enough to be well over a man's head."
Answer for Idea Development Score Point 5, and Standard English Conventions Score Point 3 I waited for my cousin, Sonny, to reach the dock. I was idly bobbing along on a tube, riding out the ripples the boat he was in caused. His father, also in the boat, helped him out once they reached the landing. Sonny was always a little uncomfortable around deep water, not eager to dive in or swim. Trying to show him it was easy, I slipped off the tube and swam to the deepest point of the small cove. I called him, "Come on out," hoping to sound reassuring. He just stood there, nervous. I tried to get him into the water another way. "Chicken," I shouted, and made clucking noises. Maybe he would swim out here to yell at me, or just to prove he was strong enough. Thinking it had worked, he waded out into the water. I grinned, watching him struggle with the ocean. Perhaps he wasn't unteachable after all. He haphazardly made his way to me, and I thought, in momentary overexcitement, that he could dive with me, too. Unfortunately, he dragged himself back to the sand and panted, exhausted. He was not a graceful swimmer, but he did better than last time. Still hoping, I asked if he wanted to dive to the bottom. He stayed silent. Leaning over the black tube again, I closed my eyes and thought. Was Sonny just not cut out for swimming? He had improved, but there was still so far to go. Was I teaching him wrong? His dad had stopped over to visit again, perhaps I could ask him. Besides, was Sonny finally going home? Something seemed different this visit. Snapping out of my daze, I scanned the beach to find Sonny's dad talking to him. I swam over, seeing them walk away, and I followed. I climbed into his father's jeep and watched the scenery go by as we sped off. When we got to my mom's house, I couldn't help but smile. She was a kind woman and I couldn't think of anyone I loved more in whole world. She was the one who had taught me to swim when I was just a small boy. When the jeep stopped, I looked past the icehouse directly to the pigpen, eager to check on the animals. "Come on, let's go see the pigs." I said to Sonny, hoping to talk to him alone there. However, his dad wanted him at the house, so I continued on my way. When I came back, I found Mom and Sonny's dad packing up all this clothes. Knowing what was happening without having to be told, I still asked, "Hey, what's going on?" Mom explained that Sonny was going to live with his father at the beach. She asked Sonny tearfully to visit often, then hugged me and started crying again. Once all of Sonny's things had been packed, they drove down to his house in the Jeep. I followed on foot, just enjoying the sun. When I arrived, it seemed that Sonny had already moved in to the little house on stilts. I saw the dogs running wild on the beach, and observed the beautiful landscape. I sat down on the soft sand. Then, all of a sudden, I noticed Sonny out in the water, swimming. He and his father were swimming together in the ocean, out far enough to be well over a man's head. I knew he had it in him! I smiled, and turned around to head back to the house, when I realized that I hadn't been teaching him wrong. He just needed someone whom he had a stronger bond with. Sonny's dad would help him, just like my mom helped me when I was young. Maybe in a little while, Sonny and I could dive in the cove, together.



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Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education Print Now | Close Window